Staying means comfort, risk-free, known terrain, but going …

I hate change.
No I like change.
Uh-uh, change is disturbing.
No, it’s exciting. (there’s nothing like inner conflict!)
Gosh! I hate my life.
No, no. I really love my life, but these decisions are killing me.
Should I stay? Or Should I go?
 

While the beat of that song plays in your head, I’ll tell you we struggled. We struggled within ourselves. And we struggled with God. Then my husband and I finally came to the conclusion.

“Okay. We’ll go.” We’ll give it all up and follow God. (not like we weren’t totally given to ministry already!)

“It could never be better to stay once He [God] determines otherwise.” Streams in the Desert January 14th.

That may be right, but it doesn’t help the fear of the unknown, the uncertainty of the future, the misunderstanding of others placed on us.

“He [God] goes on ahead of [us]” John 10:4

That’s more comforting. God is leading the way, going in front of us, and showing us the way.

F. B. Meyer states, “All the tomorrows of our life have to pass through Him before they can get to us.”

Now that’s a shield in which I can get behind and forge ahead.

Maybe going is the best answer when God says, “Go.” (check Matt. 28:19-20)

So we find ourselves taking an Abrahamic call. My husband resigned a great pastorate of over eight years. We don’t know where we are going. We are unsure of what we’re doing. We simply answered the call to go.

We didn’t come to this decision lightly. The struggle took a while and we often switched places with one sensing the call stronger and the other not. We never struggled with each other. But were united in intense struggle to do only what God wanted. My security was challenged. His identity challenged. This was all so new, and well…challenging!

Our last Sunday is January 25th. Then . . .

I have no more to write. I don’t know anything more. Going . . . with eyes wide open!

I’m antsy. Pacing the floor, starting a fire for the night’s chill, beginning dinner and washing dishes. I’m sitting, watching smoke, trying to keep a paper flame going long enough to ignite the wood. My heart aches; it races with anticipation. Impatience. Readiness. Anxiousness. Desiring to get rolling, see the flame roaring, and NOT the smoke in the fireplace. NOT the buying of a book proposal. NOT the increasingly busy speaking schedule. No, it’s the vision…I am driven.

I must go, do. I’m to work, reclaim people as Christ’s, first in North America then the world. The vision is so much more than a book or a speaking schedule. It drives me, inflames my passion. IF God can use me according to all he asks of me, lives will be changed restoring God’s kingdom, redeeming the lost. I’m ready to get going. Or I think I am.

This aching is intense and makes my adrenaline run. I feel the ‘Here I am. Send me.’ of long ago has me in the starting blocks pointed in the right direction having to wait for the gun to go off. Settled, relaxed, and resolute in mission. Tensed and ready for action.

Am I crazy? Why does my heart burn so hot? Do you think I am abnormal?

I do. I am a nobody, but God gave me this passion—a vision that consumes me. Every day I pray for God’s direction. Bit by bit, step by step, in all He has led me through, I come closer and the steps of the vision become clearer. Please pray. Pray I don’t lose my first love, and that I keep after God, not running ahead or lagging behind. I want to consistently follow God’s lead at all times. I need Him excruciatingly. What to do with this ache? All I know is… to remain close in prayer.

Will you join me? Pray “Here am I; send me.” Or “Use me.” If you mean it and believe it, your life will never be the same. Mine hasn’t, but what an adventure.
Robin