Tag Archive - expectation

3 Steps to a New Husband: Rediscovering Your Man

April 26, 2012 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife, Ministry to Women with 2 Comments

These three steps will give you a new husband within the week.

Okay, so that might not be a promise I can keep. But chances are very high that you will have a better relationship with your husband if you daily practice these things. Everyone wants to know the short way to better relationship. Follow these keys to a man’s heart and your husband will take notice.

Wife Respecting Husband

Last week I shared some unofficial statistics about prayer that spurred this post. Prayer for Marriage topped the list of felt needs. It’s no big surprise that marriage, the most unifying human relationship with the greatest opportunity of rift, causes us to seek God’s help.

Prayer makes a difference in our relationships.

After exercising the suggestions from Marriage Tops Secret Prayer List, try these steps to a new husband.

3 Steps to a New Husband

1. Pray.

  • Change your prayer. Stop praying about your husband and how you need/want him to be different. Rather, learn to pray for him according to what the Bible says.  See Stop Praying About Your Husband: How to Pray For Him!
  • Pray to see specific things that would make your husband feel valued and respected. We have different triggers. Scratching his back may make one man feel valued, but do nothing of another.

2. Create a Respect List.

Make a list of things you can do to show respect for your husband. You may have to set aside time to create one, but keep it somewhere you can continue to add to it on the fly.

 3. Respect with words and actions.

Begin telling him daily at least one thing from your list that you respect him for. Show him respect with your body language. No angry faces, snarly smirks, or inappropriate eyebrow raises. Never say or act in such a way as to belittle him. Belittling scratches off all previous respect on his score card.

Resources for Marriage relationships (affiliate links because I value their insight):

His Needs, Her Needs by William Harley
Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger (Judeo world view)

How do you see respect affecting your marriage? What resources have you found helpful in growing a strong marriage?

Interested in guest posting, check out the guidelines. This post is part of the blog series A Spiritual Journey’s Gentle Nudges. Check out the others.

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Stop Praying About Your Husband: How to Pray For Him

April 25, 2012 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife, Ministry to Women with 2 Comments

In praying for husbands,

wives should lay all expectations at Jesus’ feet.

That’s a hard one, but it’s the difference in praying about our husbands and praying for them.

Not that my younger self would’ve listened, but I wish that someone had told me when I got married that my husband wasn’t supposed to fulfill my every need or that I couldn’t change him.

Evidence shows that a high percentage of secret prayer involves marriage. See Marriage Tops Secret Prayer List: Discover You’re Not Alone.

Confess Our Need

Each prayer for our husbands should include our confession that

we look to God to meet our needs and accept our husbands as they are,

allowing God to make any changes that he deems worthy. Neither of us are perfect, but God is and he can perfect us.

Let’s begin our attitude of prayer with the truth that

we should be our husband’s best cheerleaders.

And in that role, we can pray to God:

  • Make me his good helper, companion, champion, friend and support.
  • Help me create a peaceful, restful, safe place for him to come home to.
  • Teach me to take care of myself and stay attractive to him.
  • Grow me into a creative and confident woman who is rich in mind, soul and spirit.
  • Make me the kind of woman he can be proud to say is his wife.

Praying Earnestly for My Husband’s Best

Prayer Card for Husbands

God please:

  • Give him strength to lead, time to know his family, and passion to manage his home. (Joshua1:7, Jn10:14, 1Tim3:4)
  •  Bless his work and show him daily how to honor You in his attitude and spirit; confirm the work of his hands unto Your purpose. (Ps90:16+, Dan6)
  •  Make him a wise steward of our finances and all we possess, remembering that all things are Yours and entrusted to us for Your purposes. (Mt6:19+, Luke16:10+)
  •  Help him love You with all his heart, soul, mind and strength, and hate evil. (Mk12:30, Ps97:10)
  •  Make him quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. (Jam1:19)
  •  Protect him physically, mentally and spiritually. (Ps28:7+, Ps41, Jn17:15, 2Thes3:3)
  •  Give him the desire to teach and model a godly lifestyle for his children. (Dt6, Ps78:5+)
  •  Instruct him and teach him the way he should go; give him peace in the circumstances and integrity in decisions he must face today. (Ps32:8, 1Cor14:33, Pr11:3)
  •  Bring him to meditate day and night on Your Word, pray without ceasing and stay faithful to Christ to the end. (Ps1:1+, Ps119:18,73, 1Thes5:17, Hb12:1+)
  •  Develop for him strong relationships with other godly men. (Ep4:24+, Hb10:24)

Prayer excerpted from “Lifting My Husband Through Prayer” by FamilyLife ©2006 (No longer offered on their website.)

How can you change your prayer habits to make your marriage stronger? What additional requests can we pray for ourselves or for our husbands?

Interested in guest posting, check out the guidelines. This post is part of the blog series A Spiritual Journey’s Gentle Nudges. Check out the others.

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Beauty: a Requisite for a Minister’s Wife?

March 10, 2012 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife, Ministry to Women with 3 Comments

Should a minister’s wife be beautiful? From a Google Internet search not too long ago, this question landed here on Confessions of a Preacher’s Wife. When I read it, I chuckled and figured I wouldn’t make it if that were a requirement. After a laugh, I began to empathize with the one asking the question.

Should a Minister's Wife be

Was it a man knowing he would eventually fill the role of a minister? Or a woman about to become a minister’s wife? Could it have been a woman already performing as a minister’s wife who feels pressure to be what she thinks she isn’t? Sadly, this is common because someone somewhere didn’t value her and may have told her she was less than desirable. These wounds cut to the core of a woman no matter its source.

Source of Beauty

Without knowing the source of the question, I’ll attempt to answer it by starting with the origin of a woman’s beauty. Since God created woman, he’s the designer of her beauty. Each and every characteristic as well as her God given image displays his handiwork. It is her natural beauty. But when God redeems a woman, his beauty comes to reside in her. When she intently follows him, God gives her a supernatural beauty that shines similar to Moses’ veiled face (Ex. 34:30). A woman living in obedience to God becomes uncommonly desirable with an unexplainable glow. The source of original beauty is God.

God backs up these views about beauty in the scripture. “Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised” (Pr 31:30). In another reference, those who carry the Good News in obvious obedience to God have beautiful feet (Rm 10:15).

Common Looks Becomingly

With obedience to God, a common woman becomes uncommonly beautiful. The French have a word for this phenomenon. Belle laide means “a beautiful ugly woman, a woman who is attractive though not conventionally beautiful.”[1]

So “Should a minister’s wife be beautiful?” Well I believe, in light of God’s supernatural work, the answer is an absolute yes. Should the trappings of our culture’s view of beauty and a woman’s value be weighed in the decision? No.

Thinking Deeper

But I don’t think the questioner wanted a simple yes or no answer. They may have wanted some thoughts to ponder or even actions to take. So, if you’re looking for a few suggestions, here are some to consider:

  • Single men – Seek a woman who is so in love with Jesus that you feel like a third wheel.
  • Married men – Lead the family and serve them while showing them how to obey and serve God. Treat your wife like a beautiful queen. Most will respond by behaving more beautifully.
  • And for women whether single, married or married to a minister, I suggest you keep practicing the regular beauty treatments, with moderation. Yet give your all in seeking after the perfect lover, Jesus, who will make you remarkably beautiful.

Give it a shot and let me know what you think. Let me know how others respond differently to you when you practice these “beauty” treatments.

If you have a topic or suggestion you would like to discuss please contact me here make a comment on this post!

This post is part of the blog series Minister Wives Fellowship and Support. Check out the others.

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[1] Merriam-Webster, I. (2003). Merriam-Webster’s collegiate dictionary. (Eleventh ed.). Springfield, Mass.: Merriam-Webster, Inc.

How to End Well by Focusing on the Beginning

January 27, 2012 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife, Leadership with 6 Comments

When things approach the end, a sort of excitement and even dread builds. I laughed at my friend’s reaction to the thought of her husband retiring. She felt anticipation, excitement and gloom. For her, it was like a sentence was given and the time was yet to be served. She started a countdown 20 months before R-Day. Over a year away and she’s still counting, excited, happy and filled with anticipation, as well as some anxious, dread of the inevitable.

The End is Coming

The End is Coming!

People like me feel the urgency to make the most of the last few days, squeezing in the results we desired. Time doesn’t stop for our work. The gong of the clock grades our life and our stewardship. Staying focused on the goals we set at the beginning will help us finish well.

Endings cause goal-oriented people to experience a weird rush of relief, worry and wonder if their efforts made a difference. We evaluate our work against the goals. We question: Did we accomplish what we set out to do? Did we manage resources well? Did we use time wisely? Could we have done things better?

Fresh Start

New Beginnings and Fresh Starts

The cool thing about endings is that they are the hope of new, fresh starts. The new year brings another block of time. A new contract or job comes with a treasure of resources and a multitude of opportunities. A new beginning gives us a second chance to do right and to live wisely.

I seem to regularly need a do-over or a re-start. In the past, I’ve fallen prey to multitasking: doing lots of things at one time and none of them very well (See previous post Why Multitasking Reduces Productivity). My trying to get things done simultaneously produced lots of ho hum results, if any at all. I started projects and finished none. Not at all how I planned to end.

My hope and prayer is to be more productive. I plan to slow down, focus on one thing at a time and do my best work on it. I’m going to stop multitasking. If I’m able to succeed at that goal, I might stop burning dinner, hear my kids, and actually know where I’m going when in the driver’s seat. Hopefully, I’ll finish the projects I started last year.

Now, may focus take over my multitasking ways!

How about you? Did you end your last project as you wanted? Met your goals? Declared failure and did a re-start? Declared bankruptcy and quit? Please share how you focus and finish well?

This post is part of the Insights into Ministry & Leadership Series.

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One Essential Way for a Pastor’s Wife to Deal with Anger

July 12, 2011 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife, Leadership with 4 Comments

I don’t know about you, but for me my anger is triggered when things don’t work right. When it’s needed, one ought to be able to depend upon it to work. Yet things break, fail and simply don’t get the job done. That frustrates me. I’m busy and really don’t have time to coddle a cantankerous thing-a-ma-jig. It could be my car, my lawn mower or my dishwasher. Or it could be a person, my children or my spouse. It really doesn’t matter which; I struggle with the same frustration when stuff doesn’t work. (Never mind the fact that the way it should work is my way. That’s a different blog post confession all together.) But when a company is paid to deliver a product or service and they fail, my dander especially gets all out of whack. It’s a whole other level.

Frank, May 8, 2011 - Tweety3Creative Commons License photo credit: pat00139
That’s One Angry Bird

Poor Service is Frustrating

Like my internet server. Their service is intermittent based upon how the wind blows. At the same time I have a bad hair day I also have to put up with no internet. It used to be tolerable. A finger-comb through my hair and a short call to the internet provider would fix it right up. I’d call the 800 number and they would punch a button somewhere in their system and it’d be fixed in no time. But not now. I can’t talk with them any more.

In case you haven’t been watching the wildfire news. I live in a Texas hotspot. A heat wave of hot air that parched us with no rain since last October, until recently that is. When the rains finally came, so did the wind. That’s right. Lots of internet outage. The nice young man on the other end of the 800 number said, “I’m sorry the company won’t let me do a quick restart anymore.”

“Why? It always fixed the problem in the past.”

“I don’t know why. I have to call a service representative. They should get to you in a week, depending upon how backed up they are.”

Right. The temperature rose as my blood began to boil. A WEEK! You’re kidding me. And everybody around here with the same provider has probably called for service making the response time even longer. It might be a month before I see results! What else is a girl to do?

I calmly said, “That won’t do.” Then I asked him to report my displeasure over his company’s policy. He hung up after giving me some number where I could talk with someone else. Like I wanted to talk with another person unable to do the right thing and break the company’s new policy! I began to look for the FIRED button, the one with the biggest buzzer?

Self-discipline, Distance and Grace Helps

But even in all that emotion, you’d be proud of me. I didn’t completely soil Jesus in my conversation with this poor guy. It’s not his fault he works for an inadequate company. But to save any outbursts, I chose not to talk with them again lest I give them their pink slip. I’m still debating and hating the idea of shopping for a new service. That’s time I’d rather be spending on more profitable ventures or ministries. My delay could be called grace.

Isn’t that what we should do? Good leaders balance productivity and grace. I’m not necessarily a good pastor’s wife, but I’m working on it. I need wisdom to handle myself and the decisions to be made.

One simple help: Trust God and pray for wisdom and grace.

How do you handle your anger triggers? How do you work at keeping the relationships prime? How do you know when to send the dreaded pink slip?

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Why Following God in Living Relationship is NOT for the Faint-Hearted

June 1, 2011 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife, Leadership with 4 Comments

What more could I give? I was a Baptist minister’s wife and had served God and his people for nearly 20 years. Really, what more could God ask for? I met with him daily in prayer and Bible reading. I prayed for God to speak to me and to use me as he wished. I taught the Bible and led others to follow Jesus. I taught my kids to love Jesus. I served and did everything any woman could do as a pastor’s wife and one who is called by God to serve him. Or so I thought.

Wait!!
Creative Commons License photo credit: tramod

Following God

One day during my Bible reading and conversation with God, I felt a near audible. I had just prayed, “Lord, use me. Not my will, but yours be done. I am yours. I will follow you.” Then a deep movement stirred me. The common everyday spot in my home all of a sudden seemed . . . different. Everything faded from focus and all I could hear was, “Do you mean it? Will you follow me?”

Whoa. That just didn’t happen. Did it? Fear ran through my veins. I couldn’t respond.

Agitated and no longer able to sit, I stood. Paced the floor. I must be loosing it.

After a few minutes of all the Bible stories of God speaking repeating in my head, I settled on doing what Samuel did. I went back to try to re-enter the conversation. As I sat back down, I wondered where this was going. I re-read the Bible reading and said, “Okay, Lord. Speak again. I’m here.” Or like Samuel, “Speak, Lord. Your servant listeneth.”

There it was again. I heard, “Will you follow me?”

Being a sort of newbie at this way weird situation, I looked around. Could anyone else hear this? Then looked at the Bible again and said, “Uh . . . yes, Lord, I will follow you.”

“Really? Will you follow me?”

I paused. What does he want? How is this happening? “Yes . . . Why, Lord? Why do you ask?”

My mind raced. What is he going to ask of me? Will I do it . . . no matter what?

His “Did you mean it? Will you follow me?” reverberated through my mind. I thought I meant it when I said I’d follow him. But . . .

Then with much more pointed clarity, “Will YOU,” he paused for emphasis, “follow me?”

Oblivious to 20ft tall woman
Creative Commons License photo credit: Funkdooby

Faint Hearted

Oh no. I thought of all the bad, horrible things that God could call me to do. I might loose my life. My family. My friends. Or my respect.

Bingo. Bells went off. That’s what I really struggled with. Pride.

What if God called me to do something that my ministry friends would think was not proper for a Baptist minister’s wife. With all the issues about women and ministry, all of a sudden I felt like God was going to push me to the limits and the many friends that I respected would no longer like me or see me as a good Christian pastor’s wife. Rather they might think of me as one who is way out of line according to their viewpoint of scripture. I feared this with all that is in me. I’m Baptist. I bleed tried and true Baptist. It’s a blood from generations past that includes circuit-riding ministers and denominational servants. What ridicule I might face.

I can see the gossip channel now. Robin Bryce went off the deep end. Turned fanatic. Nobody in their right mind does what she’s doing. How embarrassing for her kids. And what about her husband? Why won’t the church discipline her? My friends probably won’t return my phone calls or they’ll avoid me in Wal-Mart. It’s going to be horrible.

With all my insecurity, I felt that God was asking me to forget my background and my religion, and to follow him in a living relationship. I had to count the cost right then. I couldn’t postpone the decision a day to think on it. I couldn’t call my friends and ask what they think about it. I had to decide now. Would I obey God no matter what?

I wrestled. Fought the what-ifs. Struggled with the no-matter-whats. And concluded that I would be better off with God than against him. Even if I was alone with God and everyone else was against me, I would be okay. Years ago, I thought I had answered God’s four worded question, “Will you follow me?” But this was a much deeper, more costly question and answer.

Arm
Creative Commons License photo credit: Paul Stainthorp

Living Relationship

“Yes, Lord. I will follow you. Wherever and whatever, I would rather be with you, than doing things my own way without you. But, Lord. You have to promise me that you won’t leave me. I can’t do as you ask alone. I need you. Will you promise to go with me?”

It was then I felt his smile. He reminded me of his promises that were already written. “I will never leave you or forsake you” (Heb. 13:5).

That moment was so surreal. As my home came back into focus, I eagerly awaited directions and wondered where God was going to take me.

Daily, I look for God’s hand of direction. This is how I live. Why I do what I do. God gives me directions through our living relationship and I do my best to follow him. I’m not perfect. I mess up. And often I’m gripped with fear. Sometimes the direction is a step into the dark and unknown–a place where there’s nothing but God’s hand. In those times I can sense another question of his, “Do you trust me?”

The room moved out of and back into focus years ago and my life has been a grand adventure ever since. My senses are fully alive. My emotions, intense. And my faith, strengthened. Following God is not for the faint of heart.

What fears keep you from following God? How do you make a practice of hearing God? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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The Amazing Effect of Red Chairs

May 31, 2010 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife with 1 Comment

Some days an extra something special is needed to get a smile. Where contentedness is elusive and stress is the norm, a deep sigh of rest is refreshing. That’s the kind of smile I needed when I looked out my back door window.

On the porch were a bunch of chairs. Red chairs. They had been old, rusty church castaways when I rescued and painted them. Don’t they look fun and inviting?

Red Chairs
On this Memorial Day, I’m going to go out into the Africa hot sun, grill some meat and take a deep restful sigh. Yes, sir, I’m going to smile and be thankful for blessings both grand and simple.

Consider grabbing an old rusty chair and either dream of how to recreate it or just sit in it while remembering blessings. May you get to relax and smile this Memorial Day.

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The 2 Most Incredible Shrinking Arms of All Time

May 7, 2010 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife with 2 Comments

I don’t know when it happened, but my arms changed. They got shorter, weaker too. It was obvious their strength would no longer allow arm-wrestling with the kids. I understood the strength loss, but shorter? I was quite bumfuzzled. Doesn’t osteoporosis diminish height instead of arms?

I hope I don’t have a weird bone disease.

First Symptom

Incredible arm

The first short-arm symptom showed when the kids brought me their homework. With their scribbling in hand, I hyper-extended my elbows in order to make sense of it. While doing what I’ve always done, I was astounded with how tired my weak, shortened arms got.

That’s when I decided to get in shape. Surely a strenuous workout schedule focusing on arm strengthening would help. But even with six months of pumping iron at The Nautilus, my arms were still dwindling.

Their length used to be perfect for reading iPhone messages, enjoying Mary DeMuth’s Daisy Chain and studying my leather-like bound Bible. Now, I’m in a quandary. I don’t know what else to do about my incredible shrinking arms.

Some might disbelieve in the profound degeneration of my limbs. They may scoff and tease, or make wild suggestions like it isn’t my arms at all. But I know.

I know something’s wrong.

Diagnosis

Then headaches became the norm, but only when my eyes were open. I decided to see Dr. Means and discovered he is the kindest sort of mean. He laughed at me, spoke truth over my circumstance, then diagnosed me with multi-focal instead of some strange osteoporosis.

Apparently, my incredible shrinking arms were not so . . . Well, let’s just say I was wrong. I now sport new contacts and can’t believe the detail in the leaves on the trees.

Eye-opening Experience

Isn’t it eye-opening how our experience or understanding is limited. We are so sure of what we know. It’s like we’re stuck in the teen years—I know, I know—when we are clueless. God can say in truth, “I know.” He is the wisest. He knows everything and if we allow him to lead, we will not go off in obscure, weird ways of thinking and living.

“A person who has Christ as his Master is the master of every circumstance” (Streams in the Desert, p. 184).

God takes care of me. “Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you [God] preserve my life” (Psalm 138:7).

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On the Porch

April 14, 2010 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife with 1 Comment

On the porch I sat.

It was a beautiful spring day, but I had a wazoo of weeds, a long unwanted list, and a dry, empty longing. Whether it was the paralyzing pace, or the brilliant sun’s warmth, I had to simply sit.

waterglass

I didn’t want to do anything. I’d lost my excitement and anxiety reigned in its place. I wanted to shut down and turn off the to-do file.

Way too much happening. My oldest child was about to get married, the next in line graduating and headed off to school. At home, the remaining last child was uneasy, teasing about running off. Anything seemed more appealing than being left with the “crazy old parents.” Add wedding showers, graduation parties and the search for the right dress to the less-than-simple schedule and . . .

I quit.

I was done.

Done for, anyway. The clock was ticking. I’d fought Father Time like he was a bad weed. I’m ashamed to say that when my kids were in grade school, I even stopped giving them birthday parties.

I prepared the babies to be grown-ups, but when the exchange took place, I noticed I missed the class preparing me. Surely after I’d invested my life into these kids, they couldn’t leave.

But try as we may, life changes faster than clock hands during spring forward.

Kids change. They age. And our denial is forced to a halt.

So on that bright spring day, I sat on the porch.

And I discovered, again, my desperate need. The need to fertilize my faith, plant inner growth and gulp the Living Water. The life giving, thirst quenching water of trust in God, good for all seasons.

I remembered life’s summers may come and go, but Jesus remains the same.

Today. Tomorrow. Yesterday.

The same.

I trust him.

You can too. Won’t you join me for some Living Water refreshment on the porch?

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Life Interrupted

December 8, 2009 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife with 3 Comments

I get aggravated when things don’t go as I plan. Like preparing a meal only to find out that my husband ate the same thing for a business lunch. Or when I’m doing my normal work and difficulties keep making the easy task impossible. Even when I’m expecting and waiting for some great experience, I get irritated when it doesn’t happen on my timetable. Like when I prayed for and got pregnant. I really wanted this child, but it was Labor Day and we had planned a steak dinner. Going into labor was not on the calendar. And Christmas. The extra rush of the season—decorating, cooking, gifting, and partying, just doesn’t fit into my already busy schedule. Surely I’m not alone in my frustration when life is interrupted.

Snow Interrupts Flowering

That’s when I read about three people whose lives were interrupted in a major way.

  • In Luke 1 Zechariah went about his duties as a priest when the angel Gabriel showed up and changed his life forever. He was struck speechless when he questioned God about the promise of a child and because of his doubt he would remain silent until the birth. If I was Zechariah desiring a son, I would be somewhat irritated at the situation surrounding this child and being struck dumb. How could I tell anybody?
  • Elisabeth, his wife, had her life changed as well. Imagine desiring for so long to have a child, and then in old age with a wordless husband, she finds herself pregnant. I’d go into seclusion too.
  • I read further where a young girl’s life took an extreme twist. She was engaged and preparing to be wed, when Gabriel shows up and tells her she would get pregnant and give birth to a special boy—God’s son. Talk about wedding changes. Life interruption!

All throughout the Bible and even today, God interrupts normal lives. I’m glad these ordinary people allowed God’s disruption. Their life intrusion gave me salvation. I will put away my irritations and embrace my life interruptions. Off to celebrate Christmas—the best interruption of all.

What interruptions and irritations can you celebrate this Christmas? Leave a thought or comment.

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