Tag Archive - expectation

How to End Well by Focusing on the Beginning

January 27, 2012 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife, Leadership with 2 Comments

When things approach the end, a sort of excitement and even dread builds. I laughed at my friend’s reaction to the thought of her husband retiring. She felt anticipation, excitement and gloom. For her, it was like a sentence was given and the time was yet to be served. She started a countdown 20 months before R-Day. Over a year away and she’s still counting, excited, happy and filled with anticipation, as well as some anxious, dread of the inevitable.

The End is Coming

The End is Coming!

People like me feel the urgency to make the most of the last few days, squeezing in the results we desired. Time doesn’t stop for our work. The gong of the clock grades our life and our stewardship. Staying focused on the goals we set at the beginning will help us finish well.

Endings cause goal-oriented people to experience a weird rush of relief, worry and wonder if their efforts made a difference. We evaluate our work against the goals. We question: Did we accomplish what we set out to do? Did we manage resources well? Did we use time wisely? Could we have done things better?

Fresh Start

New Beginnings and Fresh Starts

The cool thing about endings is that they are the hope of new, fresh starts. The new year brings another block of time. A new contract or job comes with a treasure of resources and a multitude of opportunities. A new beginning gives us a second chance to do right and to live wisely.

I seem to regularly need a do-over or a re-start. In the past, I’ve fallen prey to multitasking: doing lots of things at one time and none of them very well (See previous post Why Multitasking Reduces Productivity). My trying to get things done simultaneously produced lots of ho hum results, if any at all. I started projects and finished none. Not at all how I planned to end.

My hope and prayer is to be more productive. I plan to slow down, focus on one thing at a time and do my best work on it. I’m going to stop multitasking. If I’m able to succeed at that goal, I might stop burning dinner, hear my kids, and actually know where I’m going when in the driver’s seat. Hopefully, I’ll finish the projects I started last year.

Now, may focus take over my multitasking ways!

How about you? Did you end your last project as you wanted? Met your goals? Declared failure and did a re-start? Declared bankruptcy and quit? Please share how you focus and finish well?

This post is part of the Insights into Ministry & Leadership Series.

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One Essential Way for a Pastor’s Wife to Deal with Anger

July 12, 2011 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife, Leadership with 4 Comments

I don’t know about you, but for me my anger is triggered when things don’t work right. When it’s needed, one ought to be able to depend upon it to work. Yet things break, fail and simply don’t get the job done. That frustrates me. I’m busy and really don’t have time to coddle a cantankerous thing-a-ma-jig. It could be my car, my lawn mower or my dishwasher. Or it could be a person, my children or my spouse. It really doesn’t matter which; I struggle with the same frustration when stuff doesn’t work. (Never mind the fact that the way it should work is my way. That’s a different blog post confession all together.) But when a company is paid to deliver a product or service and they fail, my dander especially gets all out of whack. It’s a whole other level.

Frank, May 8, 2011 - Tweety3Creative Commons License photo credit: pat00139
That’s One Angry Bird

Poor Service is Frustrating

Like my internet server. Their service is intermittent based upon how the wind blows. At the same time I have a bad hair day I also have to put up with no internet. It used to be tolerable. A finger-comb through my hair and a short call to the internet provider would fix it right up. I’d call the 800 number and they would punch a button somewhere in their system and it’d be fixed in no time. But not now. I can’t talk with them any more.

In case you haven’t been watching the wildfire news. I live in a Texas hotspot. A heat wave of hot air that parched us with no rain since last October, until recently that is. When the rains finally came, so did the wind. That’s right. Lots of internet outage. The nice young man on the other end of the 800 number said, “I’m sorry the company won’t let me do a quick restart anymore.”

“Why? It always fixed the problem in the past.”

“I don’t know why. I have to call a service representative. They should get to you in a week, depending upon how backed up they are.”

Right. The temperature rose as my blood began to boil. A WEEK! You’re kidding me. And everybody around here with the same provider has probably called for service making the response time even longer. It might be a month before I see results! What else is a girl to do?

I calmly said, “That won’t do.” Then I asked him to report my displeasure over his company’s policy. He hung up after giving me some number where I could talk with someone else. Like I wanted to talk with another person unable to do the right thing and break the company’s new policy! I began to look for the FIRED button, the one with the biggest buzzer?

Self-discipline, Distance and Grace Helps

But even in all that emotion, you’d be proud of me. I didn’t completely soil Jesus in my conversation with this poor guy. It’s not his fault he works for an inadequate company. But to save any outbursts, I chose not to talk with them again lest I give them their pink slip. I’m still debating and hating the idea of shopping for a new service. That’s time I’d rather be spending on more profitable ventures or ministries. My delay could be called grace.

Isn’t that what we should do? Good leaders balance productivity and grace. I’m not necessarily a good pastor’s wife, but I’m working on it. I need wisdom to handle myself and the decisions to be made.

One simple help: Trust God and pray for wisdom and grace.

How do you handle your anger triggers? How do you work at keeping the relationships prime? How do you know when to send the dreaded pink slip?

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Why Following God in Living Relationship is NOT for the Faint-Hearted

June 1, 2011 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife, Leadership with 4 Comments

What more could I give? I was a Baptist minister’s wife and had served God and his people for nearly 20 years. Really, what more could God ask for? I met with him daily in prayer and Bible reading. I prayed for God to speak to me and to use me as he wished. I taught the Bible and led others to follow Jesus. I taught my kids to love Jesus. I served and did everything any woman could do as a pastor’s wife and one who is called by God to serve him. Or so I thought.

Wait!!
Creative Commons License photo credit: tramod

Following God

One day during my Bible reading and conversation with God, I felt a near audible. I had just prayed, “Lord, use me. Not my will, but yours be done. I am yours. I will follow you.” Then a deep movement stirred me. The common everyday spot in my home all of a sudden seemed . . . different. Everything faded from focus and all I could hear was, “Do you mean it? Will you follow me?”

Whoa. That just didn’t happen. Did it? Fear ran through my veins. I couldn’t respond.

Agitated and no longer able to sit, I stood. Paced the floor. I must be loosing it.

After a few minutes of all the Bible stories of God speaking repeating in my head, I settled on doing what Samuel did. I went back to try to re-enter the conversation. As I sat back down, I wondered where this was going. I re-read the Bible reading and said, “Okay, Lord. Speak again. I’m here.” Or like Samuel, “Speak, Lord. Your servant listeneth.”

There it was again. I heard, “Will you follow me?”

Being a sort of newbie at this way weird situation, I looked around. Could anyone else hear this? Then looked at the Bible again and said, “Uh . . . yes, Lord, I will follow you.”

“Really? Will you follow me?”

I paused. What does he want? How is this happening? “Yes . . . Why, Lord? Why do you ask?”

My mind raced. What is he going to ask of me? Will I do it . . . no matter what?

His “Did you mean it? Will you follow me?” reverberated through my mind. I thought I meant it when I said I’d follow him. But . . .

Then with much more pointed clarity, “Will YOU,” he paused for emphasis, “follow me?”

Oblivious to 20ft tall woman
Creative Commons License photo credit: Funkdooby

Faint Hearted

Oh no. I thought of all the bad, horrible things that God could call me to do. I might loose my life. My family. My friends. Or my respect.

Bingo. Bells went off. That’s what I really struggled with. Pride.

What if God called me to do something that my ministry friends would think was not proper for a Baptist minister’s wife. With all the issues about women and ministry, all of a sudden I felt like God was going to push me to the limits and the many friends that I respected would no longer like me or see me as a good Christian pastor’s wife. Rather they might think of me as one who is way out of line according to their viewpoint of scripture. I feared this with all that is in me. I’m Baptist. I bleed tried and true Baptist. It’s a blood from generations past that includes circuit-riding ministers and denominational servants. What ridicule I might face.

I can see the gossip channel now. Robin Bryce went off the deep end. Turned fanatic. Nobody in their right mind does what she’s doing. How embarrassing for her kids. And what about her husband? Why won’t the church discipline her? My friends probably won’t return my phone calls or they’ll avoid me in Wal-Mart. It’s going to be horrible.

With all my insecurity, I felt that God was asking me to forget my background and my religion, and to follow him in a living relationship. I had to count the cost right then. I couldn’t postpone the decision a day to think on it. I couldn’t call my friends and ask what they think about it. I had to decide now. Would I obey God no matter what?

I wrestled. Fought the what-ifs. Struggled with the no-matter-whats. And concluded that I would be better off with God than against him. Even if I was alone with God and everyone else was against me, I would be okay. Years ago, I thought I had answered God’s four worded question, “Will you follow me?” But this was a much deeper, more costly question and answer.

Arm
Creative Commons License photo credit: Paul Stainthorp

Living Relationship

“Yes, Lord. I will follow you. Wherever and whatever, I would rather be with you, than doing things my own way without you. But, Lord. You have to promise me that you won’t leave me. I can’t do as you ask alone. I need you. Will you promise to go with me?”

It was then I felt his smile. He reminded me of his promises that were already written. “I will never leave you or forsake you” (Heb. 13:5).

That moment was so surreal. As my home came back into focus, I eagerly awaited directions and wondered where God was going to take me.

Daily, I look for God’s hand of direction. This is how I live. Why I do what I do. God gives me directions through our living relationship and I do my best to follow him. I’m not perfect. I mess up. And often I’m gripped with fear. Sometimes the direction is a step into the dark and unknown–a place where there’s nothing but God’s hand. In those times I can sense another question of his, “Do you trust me?”

The room moved out of and back into focus years ago and my life has been a grand adventure ever since. My senses are fully alive. My emotions, intense. And my faith, strengthened. Following God is not for the faint of heart.

What fears keep you from following God? How do you make a practice of hearing God? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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The Amazing Effect of Red Chairs

May 31, 2010 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife with 1 Comment

Some days an extra something special is needed to get a smile. Where contentedness is elusive and stress is the norm, a deep sigh of rest is refreshing. That’s the kind of smile I needed when I looked out my back door window.

On the porch were a bunch of chairs. Red chairs. They had been old, rusty church castaways when I rescued and painted them. Don’t they look fun and inviting?

Red Chairs
On this Memorial Day, I’m going to go out into the Africa hot sun, grill some meat and take a deep restful sigh. Yes, sir, I’m going to smile and be thankful for blessings both grand and simple.

Consider grabbing an old rusty chair and either dream of how to recreate it or just sit in it while remembering blessings. May you get to relax and smile this Memorial Day.

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The 2 Most Incredible Shrinking Arms of All Time

May 7, 2010 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife with 2 Comments

I don’t know when it happened, but my arms changed. They got shorter, weaker too. It was obvious their strength would no longer allow arm-wrestling with the kids. I understood the strength loss, but shorter? I was quite bumfuzzled. Doesn’t osteoporosis diminish height instead of arms?

I hope I don’t have a weird bone disease.

First Symptom

Incredible arm

The first short-arm symptom showed when the kids brought me their homework. With their scribbling in hand, I hyper-extended my elbows in order to make sense of it. While doing what I’ve always done, I was astounded with how tired my weak, shortened arms got.

That’s when I decided to get in shape. Surely a strenuous workout schedule focusing on arm strengthening would help. But even with six months of pumping iron at The Nautilus, my arms were still dwindling.

Their length used to be perfect for reading iPhone messages, enjoying Mary DeMuth’s Daisy Chain and studying my leather-like bound Bible. Now, I’m in a quandary. I don’t know what else to do about my incredible shrinking arms.

Some might disbelieve in the profound degeneration of my limbs. They may scoff and tease, or make wild suggestions like it isn’t my arms at all. But I know.

I know something’s wrong.

Diagnosis

Then headaches became the norm, but only when my eyes were open. I decided to see Dr. Means and discovered he is the kindest sort of mean. He laughed at me, spoke truth over my circumstance, then diagnosed me with multi-focal instead of some strange osteoporosis.

Apparently, my incredible shrinking arms were not so . . . Well, let’s just say I was wrong. I now sport new contacts and can’t believe the detail in the leaves on the trees.

Eye-opening Experience

Isn’t it eye-opening how our experience or understanding is limited. We are so sure of what we know. It’s like we’re stuck in the teen years—I know, I know—when we are clueless. God can say in truth, “I know.” He is the wisest. He knows everything and if we allow him to lead, we will not go off in obscure, weird ways of thinking and living.

“A person who has Christ as his Master is the master of every circumstance” (Streams in the Desert, p. 184).

God takes care of me. “Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you [God] preserve my life” (Psalm 138:7).

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On the Porch

April 14, 2010 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife with 1 Comment

On the porch I sat.

It was a beautiful spring day, but I had a wazoo of weeds, a long unwanted list, and a dry, empty longing. Whether it was the paralyzing pace, or the brilliant sun’s warmth, I had to simply sit.

waterglass

I didn’t want to do anything. I’d lost my excitement and anxiety reigned in its place. I wanted to shut down and turn off the to-do file.

Way too much happening. My oldest child was about to get married, the next in line graduating and headed off to school. At home, the remaining last child was uneasy, teasing about running off. Anything seemed more appealing than being left with the “crazy old parents.” Add wedding showers, graduation parties and the search for the right dress to the less-than-simple schedule and . . .

I quit.

I was done.

Done for, anyway. The clock was ticking. I’d fought Father Time like he was a bad weed. I’m ashamed to say that when my kids were in grade school, I even stopped giving them birthday parties.

I prepared the babies to be grown-ups, but when the exchange took place, I noticed I missed the class preparing me. Surely after I’d invested my life into these kids, they couldn’t leave.

But try as we may, life changes faster than clock hands during spring forward.

Kids change. They age. And our denial is forced to a halt.

So on that bright spring day, I sat on the porch.

And I discovered, again, my desperate need. The need to fertilize my faith, plant inner growth and gulp the Living Water. The life giving, thirst quenching water of trust in God, good for all seasons.

I remembered life’s summers may come and go, but Jesus remains the same.

Today. Tomorrow. Yesterday.

The same.

I trust him.

You can too. Won’t you join me for some Living Water refreshment on the porch?

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Life Interrupted

December 8, 2009 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife with 3 Comments

I get aggravated when things don’t go as I plan. Like preparing a meal only to find out that my husband ate the same thing for a business lunch. Or when I’m doing my normal work and difficulties keep making the easy task impossible. Even when I’m expecting and waiting for some great experience, I get irritated when it doesn’t happen on my timetable. Like when I prayed for and got pregnant. I really wanted this child, but it was Labor Day and we had planned a steak dinner. Going into labor was not on the calendar. And Christmas. The extra rush of the season—decorating, cooking, gifting, and partying, just doesn’t fit into my already busy schedule. Surely I’m not alone in my frustration when life is interrupted.

Snow Interrupts Flowering

That’s when I read about three people whose lives were interrupted in a major way.

  • In Luke 1 Zechariah went about his duties as a priest when the angel Gabriel showed up and changed his life forever. He was struck speechless when he questioned God about the promise of a child and because of his doubt he would remain silent until the birth. If I was Zechariah desiring a son, I would be somewhat irritated at the situation surrounding this child and being struck dumb. How could I tell anybody?
  • Elisabeth, his wife, had her life changed as well. Imagine desiring for so long to have a child, and then in old age with a wordless husband, she finds herself pregnant. I’d go into seclusion too.
  • I read further where a young girl’s life took an extreme twist. She was engaged and preparing to be wed, when Gabriel shows up and tells her she would get pregnant and give birth to a special boy—God’s son. Talk about wedding changes. Life interruption!

All throughout the Bible and even today, God interrupts normal lives. I’m glad these ordinary people allowed God’s disruption. Their life intrusion gave me salvation. I will put away my irritations and embrace my life interruptions. Off to celebrate Christmas—the best interruption of all.

What interruptions and irritations can you celebrate this Christmas? Leave a thought or comment.

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Less than Rosy and Cheery

August 11, 2009 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife with 2 Comments

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. (Habakkuk 3:17-18)

Field of Food

Things aren’t always rosy and cheery, BUT things can always be good in God. It’s a perspective. A matter of where you place your hope, of what to surrender and to whom. If everything fails, God will not.

Skill or Faith: The Success Key

June 15, 2009 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife with 0 Comments

Have you ever felt like you didn’t have what it takes to be successful?

I often feel that I don’t have the skill to get things done in the right way. But at other times I’ve felt, “I got this” and flubbed miserably.

Does having or lacking skill really determine success? Sure, a lot of factors must weigh in to bring about great achievement. If skill alone is what we work for to make ourselves successful, we may be working ourselves right out of our desired accomplishment.

 


 

It’s a little oxymoronish to consider that too much skill could spell failure. Yet real success doesn’t lie in our skill or our resources. Certain goals and levels of triumph can be obtained by shear force. But to accomplish that which is outlandishly impossible, to achieve a dream that hangs on a thread requires more than determination. Lasting success requires faith.

At least that’s what I read in 1 Chronicles 5:18 and following. The Jewish tribes had skill. “They were skilled in combat and armed” to the hilt, no less. These guys were seasoned, experts in warfare, and ready for battle.

If I had all that going for me, I’d be taking them on, pushing forward, and relying on my own abilities. Why, isn’t that what God gave me the skill for? Aren’t we to use these skills to make what we aim for successful? My self-reliant attitude and the subsequent actions would set me up for failure, or at best provide a very short-lived success.

The next phrase in the Chronicles passage about the Israelites isn’t, “So they kicked tail and took names.” No. They had skill and resources all right, but their greatest asset was God himself. Listen to what they did. “They cried out to God during the battle, and he answered their prayer because they trusted in him.”

They were skilled, fit, ready, and from all aspects had it all together to get the job done, but they didn’t rely on all of that. They won the victory because of their faith, because they trusted in God! Their skill was put to use but it wasn’t the determining factor.

The implication of this truth for our lives is huge. We work so hard to try to be good, better, or best so we’ll have success. But it doesn’t matter if our skill is little or a lot, or if our resources are overflowing or not. What makes the difference is our level of “trust in God.” It’s the extent of our belief in God that plays the greatest role in our success.

Whew. That takes a heavy weight off my shoulders. I stress over my lack, both in my skills and in my resources. Although I’ll never have to worry about being over skilled and need to continue honing my abilities and developing my resources, I must keep all of that effort in perspective. My skill may be used, but it’s not the major determiner of my failure or success. I need to put the largest effort in learning to trust in God.

God loves to work on behalf of those who completely trust in him. Built within that trust is obedience. Even when the task seems irrational or unlikely to be successful, I must obey and trust. On a side note, I love the freedom to succeed or fail that I get when I trust God and do what he asks. The results are all his. Success is measured in faith not skill.

Check out how to be successful at Successful Life and Leadership and Stepping into Success.

* picture from personalbrandingblog.com

 

Living Free from Fear, Religion, & Expectations

November 7, 2008 in Confessions of a Preacher's Wife with 3 Comments

Living free, quite frankly, is no fall cakewalk. Fear binds me all up – binds me to expectations, religion, and sure-fire failure. I can never measure up to other’s expectations, religion’s rules, or perfect pastor-wife’s position. But I‘ve found a secret to living free from all that.

It’s really a one step process: Take love and be filled to overflowing. As I’ve learned through difficulties, God is all I need, all I want, and nothing else can fill that place.

It’s love, true love that’s the key to living free and casting off cords that bind. My life verse is “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”(2 Tim. 1:7) Out of love comes power and self-discipline; timidity and fear melt away. I pray this verse when fear strikes.

Perfect love comes from personal relationship with God. Freedom to live as a Christ follower doesn’t come from religion’s rules, but flows out of love for God. Ironically, this freedom requires more of a commitment. It’s about relationship with God and proper relational etiquette rather than rules of “churchianity.” A self-discipline. See previous verse. We have to mind all the checks the Holy Spirit gives. That’s way beyond a set of rules handed down from generations of church going people. The only way to receive the promptings and checks of God is to have personal dialogue with God – a personal relationship.

I offer a personal introduction to God as well as a set of communication exercises in iGETitLIFE with Purpose. The exercises are not set in stone. They are only coaching exercises to get your dialogue with God started on a personal level.

But first comes the introduction. We must realize we don’t measure up and see our need for God. That’s called sin. No matter how big or small, we all have it. But if you don’t feel the need for God, it won’t do any good to introduce you to him. If you desire an introduction, after realizing your need, you simply tell God you need him. “God, I’ve made a mess. I’ve sinned. I need you. Please come into my life, change my heart, and become my master giving me prompts and helping me follow them. God, I need you. Thank you for listening.”

If you talked with God like that and meant it with everything that’s in you, you are a Christ follower – one who is committed to following Jesus. At this point you have all the love you need to live free, but . . .

You have to live it out. It’s harder than living up to expectations and rules, but it’s freer. Fear will push you back into expectations and rules. Love will draw you deeper into the sacred relationship. Every moment is a choice, love or fear. One is freedom the other bondage.

Choose well, my friends. God’s grace will cover you in repentance.
 

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