What does Michael Hyatt know? That’s what I wanted to know. I have been frustrated with PC elitist mystical knowledge. I’ll never know enough to keep the thing running right, or to recover the files it loses upon crashing. I’m always taking it in for some expert geek to make it behave. I hate the thing. It’s driven me beyond bananas.

I’ve drooled over the ease from which all things Apple seem to work. The iPod is so user friendly with only one button that a grandmother or kid, either one, can use it with ease. Actually, I think a happening dog could howl along with his choice of tunes from using the friendly device.

My husband’s iPhone is absolutely amazing. (I must be careful not to drool profusely on it. He found out they don’t swim well.) As a Blackberry user, the iPhone is whoa so cool. The display, the internet visual, and usage exceeds all I’ve been using with my PDA.

I wondered if a writer’s business could be done in its entirety with the same ease and pie-in-the-sky dream of Apple tools that actually work without the major headaches of the PC.

I took my wonder to Michael Hyatt, CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers and Apple fanatic. Counting on his knowledge about business, writing, and Mac’s, I asked him why I should or should not do the switch from PC to Apple, what might be the weaknesses of doing my business all in Apple. (It seemed the advantages were obvious.) Basically, I was a beggar looking for a crumb to keep my life and ministry running.

Mr. Hyatt said, “I think the biggest issue will be accounting software. You may have to run what you are using in Parallels. I do this on some other software, and it works flawlessly.”

There you have it. Flawlessly. That’s what I want. So I drove to the Apple Store and purchased all things Apple. Now, I have to learn a few new tricks, transfer info from the PC, and set all the Apple stuff to work for me. The learning curve and set up are slowing me down some, but I still have dreams of working flawlessly. I purchased OnetoOne for training and questions as I learn. These geniuses know Mac AND are always ready to share all they know every time I enter the store. One day cyberspace, business space, and personal space will all be unified in one place with one button. I’m so excited. Could it really be true that tools do what they are supposed to do? Pinch me. I pray I’m not dreaming.

Ever wanted something so bad you could taste it? No, I mean so bad it hurts? A longing that if left would eat you alive, a feeling that seems so right when a taste of the desired is given. A desire and consuming passion that remains foremost in your mind. One might even say head over heels possessed with love for it.

It sounds like I’m talking about some passionate romance, and in a way it might be. It is them. I love them. I want the best for them. I can’t stand not reaching out to them, offering friendship, relationship, and acceptance.The other night, Chuck (my husband) and I went to see a single man our age in the hospital then took his parents and another woman in her 60’s to dinner. We were in a college town, the home of a big college. Our friend said she had never seen so many young people in one place before. Chuck and I had a great conversation with our waitress all during the dinner. I felt at home and in near frenzy in such a target rich environment. We dropped our church members off at their car then went to Starbucks. The place was full, inviting, and very open.

Feelings stirred deep within, a desire to meet each one and offer friendship with them all. I really can’t explain this feeling any better than the feeling of that first love. (Remember the first crush on a guy and the desire that accompanied it.) I want to be around them and give them all I have. That is the best description I can come up with.

The Spirit moves both Chuck and I to love them. He’s wondering what, how, when, especially since he already holds two full time jobs. Pastoring is part time pay, but always full time job. And I’m a financial drain, in other words a well kept woman.

I know I must write, speak, and whatever, and this love is the reason I do it. I am going to Mt. Hermon with all the trappings, proposal, one sheet, yada yada, but . . . I feel all this is only a step to reach my real love. Am I so wrong to spend a thousand dollars on writing chances when it isn’t my first love? If I must do this writing to reach them, it is worth all I have and all any will give me. Writing is more of a discipline than a passion. Will this be understood by editors and agents? Does anyone in publishing want to link up with someone who is more passionate about something else besides writing? Oh, I pray to God that someone wants to.

Just call me Consumed.

I’m antsy. Pacing the floor, starting a fire for the night’s chill, beginning dinner and washing dishes. I’m sitting, watching smoke, trying to keep a paper flame going long enough to ignite the wood. My heart aches; it races with anticipation. Impatience. Readiness. Anxiousness. Desiring to get rolling, see the flame roaring, and NOT the smoke in the fireplace. NOT the buying of a book proposal. NOT the increasingly busy speaking schedule. No, it’s the vision…I am driven.

I must go, do. I’m to work, reclaim people as Christ’s, first in North America then the world. The vision is so much more than a book or a speaking schedule. It drives me, inflames my passion. IF God can use me according to all he asks of me, lives will be changed restoring God’s kingdom, redeeming the lost. I’m ready to get going. Or I think I am.

This aching is intense and makes my adrenaline run. I feel the ‘Here I am. Send me.’ of long ago has me in the starting blocks pointed in the right direction having to wait for the gun to go off. Settled, relaxed, and resolute in mission. Tensed and ready for action.

Am I crazy? Why does my heart burn so hot? Do you think I am abnormal?

I do. I am a nobody, but God gave me this passion—a vision that consumes me. Every day I pray for God’s direction. Bit by bit, step by step, in all He has led me through, I come closer and the steps of the vision become clearer. Please pray. Pray I don’t lose my first love, and that I keep after God, not running ahead or lagging behind. I want to consistently follow God’s lead at all times. I need Him excruciatingly. What to do with this ache? All I know is… to remain close in prayer.

Will you join me? Pray “Here am I; send me.” Or “Use me.” If you mean it and believe it, your life will never be the same. Mine hasn’t, but what an adventure.
Robin