I’m antsy. Pacing the floor, starting a fire for the night’s chill, beginning dinner and washing dishes. I’m sitting, watching smoke, trying to keep a paper flame going long enough to ignite the wood. My heart aches; it races with anticipation. Impatience. Readiness. Anxiousness. Desiring to get rolling, see the flame roaring, and NOT the smoke in the fireplace. NOT the buying of a book proposal. NOT the increasingly busy speaking schedule. No, it’s the vision…I am driven.

I must go, do. I’m to work, reclaim people as Christ’s, first in North America then the world. The vision is so much more than a book or a speaking schedule. It drives me, inflames my passion. IF God can use me according to all he asks of me, lives will be changed restoring God’s kingdom, redeeming the lost. I’m ready to get going. Or I think I am.

This aching is intense and makes my adrenaline run. I feel the ‘Here I am. Send me.’ of long ago has me in the starting blocks pointed in the right direction having to wait for the gun to go off. Settled, relaxed, and resolute in mission. Tensed and ready for action.

Am I crazy? Why does my heart burn so hot? Do you think I am abnormal?

I do. I am a nobody, but God gave me this passion—a vision that consumes me. Every day I pray for God’s direction. Bit by bit, step by step, in all He has led me through, I come closer and the steps of the vision become clearer. Please pray. Pray I don’t lose my first love, and that I keep after God, not running ahead or lagging behind. I want to consistently follow God’s lead at all times. I need Him excruciatingly. What to do with this ache? All I know is… to remain close in prayer.

Will you join me? Pray “Here am I; send me.” Or “Use me.” If you mean it and believe it, your life will never be the same. Mine hasn’t, but what an adventure.
Robin

I feel short of breath, like I can’t breathe deep. The weight of the world’s worries crashes in on me. The pain and suffering of others crushes my capacity to fill my lungs. Why did I ever say to Jesus, “Here am I, send me?” (Isaiah 6:8)

“Count the cost,” he says. (Luke 14:25-34)

How could I have known the cost of love? Do you or anyone else know what love costs? I didn’t ask for this, he called me to it. All I asked for was more of him.

“Lord Jesus, here am I…uhm, can I stay with you? Yeah, remain in you like your word says. (John 15) Can I have more of you, and stay with you? This sending thing hurts. It is a sacrifice and is very costly. My heart is crushed and broken for the many. Please let me stay with you. In you is safety and refuge”

God says, “Staying with me means going where I go. My heart is also filled with compassion for people. If you come with me, you will share in my suffering, but, my yoke is easy and my burden is light for I am with you and we bear the burden together. Breathe deep in me. I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28-30) Walk in my still waters and as you pass through this valley of the stench of death, (Psalm 23) I will fill your nostrils with the fragrance of deliverance. (2 Corinthians 2:14) I will give you hope. Lie in this boat and rest beside me. (Mathew 8:24) This storm will rage on, but you rest in me, breathe deep…”

“Come dear one. There’s another who needs love. Yes, it will be painful and costly. Come, share in my sufferings.” (Philippians 3:10, 1 Peter 4:13)

True love aches, sacrifices, and dies. Real love rejoices, triumphs, and lives. Are we willing to accept it? Are we willing to be it?
Can you say, “Here I am. . .” It’s worth considering.

Resolved,
Robin