Ever wanted something so bad you could taste it? No, I mean so bad it hurts? A longing that if left would eat you alive, a feeling that seems so right when a taste of the desired is given. A desire and consuming passion that remains foremost in your mind. One might even say head over heels possessed with love for it.

It sounds like I’m talking about some passionate romance, and in a way it might be. It is them. I love them. I want the best for them. I can’t stand not reaching out to them, offering friendship, relationship, and acceptance.The other night, Chuck (my husband) and I went to see a single man our age in the hospital then took his parents and another woman in her 60’s to dinner. We were in a college town, the home of a big college. Our friend said she had never seen so many young people in one place before. Chuck and I had a great conversation with our waitress all during the dinner. I felt at home and in near frenzy in such a target rich environment. We dropped our church members off at their car then went to Starbucks. The place was full, inviting, and very open.

Feelings stirred deep within, a desire to meet each one and offer friendship with them all. I really can’t explain this feeling any better than the feeling of that first love. (Remember the first crush on a guy and the desire that accompanied it.) I want to be around them and give them all I have. That is the best description I can come up with.

The Spirit moves both Chuck and I to love them. He’s wondering what, how, when, especially since he already holds two full time jobs. Pastoring is part time pay, but always full time job. And I’m a financial drain, in other words a well kept woman.

I know I must write, speak, and whatever, and this love is the reason I do it. I am going to Mt. Hermon with all the trappings, proposal, one sheet, yada yada, but . . . I feel all this is only a step to reach my real love. Am I so wrong to spend a thousand dollars on writing chances when it isn’t my first love? If I must do this writing to reach them, it is worth all I have and all any will give me. Writing is more of a discipline than a passion. Will this be understood by editors and agents? Does anyone in publishing want to link up with someone who is more passionate about something else besides writing? Oh, I pray to God that someone wants to.

Just call me Consumed.

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